i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I faked an abortion last night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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