Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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