I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
