Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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