I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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