I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
