At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
