how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i think my cat just said my name.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
