I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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