You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you had me at cake vodka
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
