Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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