I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
