She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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