# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
