She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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