How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Farmville is her only friend.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
