Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
