One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
