Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
