even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
