I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
