Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
