considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
