You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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