hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
