apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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