they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
