is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
