I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
