Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
