i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
