Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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