My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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