it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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