My friends, they love my intelligence
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
