sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
