Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
