Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
