Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
