Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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