So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
