Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
