They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
