rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have aggressive nipples.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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