dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
