you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
