If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
