Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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