guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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