after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
