You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
