I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
